Though the very morning I risked my life to death just to catch a daily train, dying alive is weirder and excruciating than the actual death that could take me to hell once for all.
A Heavy Gasp and incessant choke by train where synchronously annoying the mélange of crowd around. An old woman pulled my tops and suggested me to choose some other place to stand, as I was obliterating her view towards the nature outside. But, while not even having my own breath under my control, choosing a different place that would comfort someone else was not in my priority at that time. “I am fine here” I signaled her and continued gasping still trying to remind myself of how stupid and reckless I was the previous moment. The recognition costed more than one stop that eventually I witnessed this board – “Guduvancheri” . A ring from mobile didn’t bother to get my attention and I left it poor touch or no touch until few seconds when the call got stopped on its own. The shaking hands found its way through the beautiful bag and slipped out the mobile to find a red symbol at the top of mobile indicating a missed call. Despite the mind was too lost in horror and sense of shock, the brain was too smart and guessed who the call would be and what they would want, just by seeing the 10 ten digit number.
“This is Mithra, I called to ask if 9.45 train has left” the tender voice shook itself as it came out. (Mithra is my room mate who is younger than me by two years.Calling each other at last minute to ensure a particular train has left from station has been our special trait off late)
“The train crossed the next stop a minute ago and yeah it left long back” I reassured my gasp doesn’t reach her ears and I would tell the rest of story that evening though there would be no ears to hear it.
“Okay kka” the little goat spoke like crying and kept the phone.
Mobile was stuck on hand for moments then without typing anything or listening to any music, except for a WhatsApp text to couple of friends on what I did.
“Wow that’s is a new experience , cool” my Jaipur frnd encouraged
“Oh no , be safe, don’t do that again” love warned ASHIAN friends.
Whatever , next time I should be in station at 9.40 atleast, I decided and realized the destination was almost there. I shook myself to reality and irked the girl next to me ,” what is the next station” a question , like the rest of the days, so lost in some other world.
“Paranur station” she replied and took her headsets off getting ready to get down indicating she is yet another Mcity ITian.
I walked amidst the crowd so lost like one of the thousand robots marching in Robot movie.
Dismantling the stuffs from bag and filling the water bottle with hot water, after unlocking my locked infy account, I chose to sit comfortably in a sofa and wonder why I have no work , why I feel vacant.
I walked helter and scelter like a cat that delivered kitten, and waited for 12 pm to come so badly, and when clock struck 12, I lodged my eyes to watch for 12.30 to come so I get to pester my friends for early lunch and make few boastings about the delicious healthy lunches I bring every day.
Though 25 years have gone, settling myself near opposite genders of the society have always been one of the most uncomfortable things. The mouth that spoke rattled started mellowing, mincing almost all the words.
I chose to start back to cubicle when lunch was over and when our sudden ice cream plan turned out a fiasco as few girls in lunch gang had cold and few weren’t ready .I was the only one in “I’ve got my mindset on” list. But had to leave with the zero companions . The too-good food that noon threw me to cozy sofa as usual except for the fact it was coupled with distress instead of slumbering sleep. " What about my future ? What’s up with my past ? How I wasted a year ? What did I do ? Why is this job so restless ? Why is it not any attractive ? Am I Wasting my Days ? Should I choose a career in writing?" Just like the other years, a thousand questions bolted In my head , like there would be no space left to breath any more questions.
I chose to relax myself over a cup of coffee for I have really bet the solitude long back and that is no more in my problem list or sympathetic loops. Instead of thinking over the coffee and let me think of all possibilities of identifying a panacea, I started replying to WhatsApp texts while silently judging what the ppl around would be doing. "Suck It, I’m never not going to change " I thought
“Sssshhh!! Confidence buddy, Confidence” the good guy whom I thought was long dead woke back and fortified I shouldn’t give up.
I dropped myself to the sofa outside my wing after checking my machine for one or two mins , not coz I didn’t like the work but coz I couldn’t stand in that extremely cool ambience – a uncouth mixture of air conditioning and extremely cool air from Fan turned on by a cubicle neighbor .
After dumping few “Puttu” in my mouth that I took from breakfast, I plugged sound cloud songs to my ears, I diverted myself to another fantasy. Stupid idiotic fantasy like I’m not here, I’m where I want to be.
It was 4.40 pm and I killed another day with just ramblings, which is when I realized I did nothing more than what I did in that idle 4 months before coming to Infosys. It wasn’t much different. I chose to feed myself with another coffee so I call it a day and run to catch my next train, which I don’t do on “exact running “ like the morning , else I would repeat this whole story all again .
#Story_Not_Repeated. #Train_Caught_On_Time #JulyFrustatedMorning :)
P.S Chennai Definitely makes the new souls like me feel like a dog ,
For every moment we run rushing for minute things like seats
Till Big things like.... (Well actually there is no big thing we run for here ;) )
I wish things change soon ,
And Chennai Becomes as Cool as Bsangalore
And As Less Crowded as Trivandrum
And Gets to be the Called the "the Next Angel City"
Oh Chennai !! Save Our Souls !!
For, I'm no more a Kid To Run for that Window Seat !